Do you judge yourself? A lot? A little? Or do you think you’ve slayed that dragon and it’s not an issue for you anymore. Are you sure about that? That’s where I was. I was pretty certain that I had gotten completely out of self judgment. Oh how wrong I was. Yes, the really obvious stuff I don’t struggle with anymore. I no longer have that constant litany of self criticism and doubt whispering in the back of my mind. I’m now able to acknowledge and appreciate myself and my accomplishments so I thought I was all good. As a result I relaxed my vigilance and awareness of when I was judging. When we do that and don’t undo the judgment the moment we have it, that is where self judgment gets really insidious and starts killing you from the inside.
There are all these tiny little judgments that are so innocuous that they don’t seem like judgments. This is how it starts to grow, slowly but surely, seeping in like a dark but almost invisible smoke, growing ever larger and taking control in the background, so by the time you realize it, if you do, the darkness has rooted itself into your being and you are living with full fledged self judgment again and they are running the show. To use magic as an analogy, if there is such a thing as dark and light magic. Each tiny speck of dark magic you use invites in ever increasing amounts, it grows and grows exponentially, until it takes you over. What is it about that that it’s so much easier to invite the dark (self judgment) than it is to invite the light (no self judgment)? Why is it so hard to get rid of the dark once it is there? This is why vigilance in your awareness of yourself and when you use judgment is so critical; every time a self judgment goes unchecked the darkness grows. Demanding total awareness of you in this area is the most efficient path to ensuring it doesn’t take over.
So what kind of things am I talking about? I am fat, I am ugly, I’m not smart enough, I’m not talented, etcetera. These are obvious self judgments. We use them to tear ourselves down and keep ourselves small. We know them like an old friend and they are super obvious to us, easy to identify and be aware of and change. These are not what I’m talking about. The ones I’m talking about, the sneaky ones, you don’t realize they are judgments. They can by all kinds of things but I’ll use my own example which led to my epiphany this morning that inspired this post!
It’s been an interesting week and I’ve been feeling tired, and a bit unmotivated. This morning as I was lying in bed still exhausted and not wanting to get up, thinking, oh my god, I’ve got to get up, I have so much to do, I didn’t do this, I didn’t do that. I was judging myself and my body for being tired. I went straight into what’s wrong with me? As these thoughts were flowing through my head as I was waking up it hit me, OMG, I am totally judging myself instead of asking my body what was going on and acknowledging that for whatever reason this week I need to dial back my ‘doing’. That my body requires more rest. The second OMG, I didn’t see that as a judgment. I wondered what other judgments are hiding in there I haven’t been aware of?! So I started reviewing the last few weeks and realized I’d been doing it for a while.
This is why self judgment is a silent killer. Most of the time we don’t even know it is going on. It’s running the show in the background like the little devil sitting on our shoulder whispering in our ear about what we should and should not do. Often telling us that we are nothing, that we are incapable, that we should be smaller and less, and suggesting that we dim the light of our being. This is all happening and we don’t even realize it. It’s pretty hard to change what we don’t know is going on and needs changing!
Next month’s article will have specific tools to change this! In the mean time the first step is to tune into it, be aware, notice when you are having thoughts, feelings or emotions that are actually judgments. Being aware of them is the first step to changing them.
If you just can’t wait and would like to dive in deep me you can contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org or www.kimmalamalucien.com or on Facebook to book a private session to create faster change now! Also there is a deep, deep well of information and tools on transformation in the Super Scoop of Consciousness show archives. Or call in to our show, as a question and get facilitation live, or ask your question in the chat room!
Kim Malama Lucien is the CEO/President of Lucienne LTD, a business consulting and coaching firm. She provides traditional business consulting for companies of all sizes (from mom and pop to large multi-nationals). She is a creative genius that revamps your business or your life from the inside out. She has an innate ability to tap into and recognize your natural and unique abilities or strengths and show you how to use them to your advantage. Kim works with management to create systems that are scaleable, malleable and empower everyone in the organization to ask questions, to be decision makers, which directly improves the company and the bottom line. The tools and steps shared in this article are based on the tools learned in the basic core classes of Access Consciousness®.