You Can Lose the Weight, but You Can’t Lose “Stupid” – Rhonda Burns

Potency Is My Game! ~ Rhonda Burns Radio Show


“You can lose the weight, but you can’t lose ‘stupid’.”

That was the thought I finally came to rest upon after a recent exchange with a new virtual acquaintance. Thank goodness riotous laughter ensued once I landed on it.

“You’re a fat bitch and all you fat bitches should

consider you lucky to get to be with guys like me.”

Of course, that was AFTER the initial reaction of the unexpected sucker-punch blow that caught me off guard; and AFTER I almost allowed me to buy his vitriolic and vile, abusive words as truth. But thank the holy heavens I had half a clue to remember all the tools I’ve been playing with and utilizing 100% of the time in my life and in my practice. Those old patterns and old habits sure do run deep and die hard.

The thing that I considered first that stood out the most when I was able to step back and look at what was really going on underneath the whole exchange was just how unacceptable it was for me to not be part of changing the landscape of how men and women communicate with one another. I didn’t want some young woman or young man, to not be properly equipped to not have to potentially put them in a situation like that to begin with, but if they did, that they wouldn’t feel the need to automatically react defensively in kind, or worse, buy that load of shit lock, stock and barrel as true for them.

If I didn’t start to speak to what I know is possible with communication, language, action, kindness, allowance, eradicating judgment and so much more in all types of  relationships, then I was part of the problem for others in the world, and future generations – not part of the solution. And that friends, is NOT okay with me.

This isn’t about pointing fingers, making someone wrong and me right, justifying behavior or retribution. I’m more of a pragmatist than that. This is about starting to speak to what’s fundamentally broken in society, as well as to be part of the change so that different, and greater, can be created.

To the “gentlemen” that spewed those words at me via text that morning, I thank you.

  • Thank you for showing me what I was aware of initially, which led me to bow out gracefully and choose something different.
  • Thank you for showing me where you are functioning from and who you’re choosing to show up in the world as right now.
  • Thank you for allowing me to know the difference between judgment and allowance and whether or not I’m walking my talk.
  • Thank you for showing me the underlying pain and anger you function from so that I can acknowledge that yes, I was aware of it all along.
  • Thank you for showing me all that you showed me so that I could make the choice to step the fuck up and be and do in the world what I say I desire to be and do in the world.

And to me, I’m thankful that I not only chose to use my voice and trust myself implicitly in this scenario, but I’m thankful that the experience catalyzed another choice for me to not stop in my quest to show people a different possibility when it comes to sex, relationships, body image and communication.

Did I want to throttle the dude? Hell yes. Did I? No. What would that have solved? “Hurting people, hurt people.” It’s as simple as that. And when we choose to defend and react or resist a situation, we aren’t functioning as the highest, most capacitive beings we’re actually capable of. We’re bringing ourselves down to the lowest common denominator. I don’t know about you, but there’s nothing common about me and I have no desire to “do” life like everybody else.

If you would have told me 5 years ago that I would be in the position I am now, with the total freedom from being at the effect of people and their stupidity, I would have told you that you must be smoking something. Having the clarity and the awareness to actually see, and know where people are functioning from, and yet not have to be at the effect of any of it, truly is the greatest gift and freedom I could ever imagine.

Did it come easily? Sometimes. Did I have to practice and build the muscles that allow me to be free and in the driver’s seat of my own life constantly? Yes. Was it always fun and easy? No. But here’s what I can tell you, friends. Every moment, every choice, every painful point, scenario or experience was worth it because today I’m FREE. And not only am I free, I am ALL of me; wholly, fully, genuinely, thoroughly and unapologetically. That is the greatest gift I could have ever asked for; the gift of getting to BE me, with kindness in spades, in a world where we aren’t really taught or shown how to be uniquely us.

I make a conscious choice each and every moment of every day to be the dominant energy and force in my life and I’m willing to teach and facilitate others how to do the same, if they choose. For it’s when we each choose to divinely know that we are the creators of our own destiny, or own lives, our own realities, it’s then and only then that change happens on a profound scale. And for the love of this planet, the love of the beings on it, and for the love of the generations to come, I am here to be part of a phenomenally different possibility – solutions for troubled times and broken paradigms.

So, to the “gentleman” I say…”I can lose the weight, but you can’t lose stupid.”

(Stupid here is defined as mere unawareness or unconsciousness. You can’t lose it. But you can surely choose something different. )

Rhonda Burns is a global empowerment agent, potency expert and tenacious chooser. She works with courageous, forward-thinking clients who are willing to do whatever it takes to have the life of their dreams and desires. Going toe-to-toe with any limitation, large or small, she and her clients eliminate the blocks, clear the paths and put their lives into overdrive with speed, efficiency and a heck of a lot of humor. You can find Rhonda every Wednesday morning on Potency Is My Game Radio at 10 a.m. EST on, or via her website at:, Facebook at: and Twitter: @CoachRho.

Potency Is My Game! ~ Rhonda Burns Radio Show